As I sit in a new place surrounded by new people, sounds, and feelings, I must thank whoever or whatever brought me here. I am in love with the opportunities in front of us. I will be able to be happy in my career and be able to expand my life in positive ways. My boyfriend will be able to grow even more than me: finishing his degree and beginning to explore what he would love to do for the rest of his life. Whether it be a teacher, politician, or garbage man, if he is happy, so am I.
Here in Massachusetts, among the colonial houses, narrow roads, fast paced everything, and misty morning springs, I know this is not permanent, but I am happy. Content with the distance, passionate about discovering new places, food, and experiences. This is our chance to start everything over, rebuild ourselves to be better people, and have a great experience. No more hiding, no more tears, no more misery.
This is a great place to be.
In 2016, I wrote that first part shortly after moving across the country. My boyfriend (now husband), our cat, and I drove over 2,000 miles (3200 km) for my new job. I was overwhelmed with excitement and possibility because I escaped what I thought was the worst job I ever had.
We enjoyed the beaches, got somewhat used to the humidity, took in the history of an early colony, and grew up a lot. I am still thankful for the beautiful summer moments and people still in my life.
But work turned after a while, and this opportunity became the worst one I had ever taken. It ate up everything I ever had. Depression is not the best mental health condition to battle when you need to get out of a horrible situation. I will not dwell here because it still hurts in many ways.
Now, we are back in Colorado. We have been for almost five years. We were married a few weeks before I resigned from my position in Massachusetts. We struggled a lot in those first few months. But we found careers and grew into thirty year old adults.
I have a good job, great bosses, understanding coworkers, and a good system behind me. But now I am watching my husband going through similar downs that I had before returning to the Rocky Mountains. It is painful to see him hurt and struggle through a battle everyday.
I don’t have the solution to fix it. But I know how it feels to realize the fight is over (truly exhilarating if you have been fortunate enough to not go through these highs and lows).
Here are some other things I know:
- Never be afraid to leave, regardless of what it is. If it isn’t giving you happiness, it isn’t worth the time, effort, etc.
- If you do get happiness from something, never give up on it. But don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Find multiple places to pull happiness from. If one must go for you to grow, the other things will help.
- Change happens. Growth happens. Highs happen. Lows happen. All are needed to make us better people. Reflect on where you were and where you are as much as possible. This will only help the lessons you learned bloom.
- True happiness never comes easy.
- Starting over doesn’t really exist. We always have the scars, and they don’t leave us. Start new, but respect your past self and find ways to improve your now.
This isn’t our final wave of down or bad. Nor does the incoming chapter have all the solutions of life and happiness. I wish my 2016 self knew this. But my 2023 self knows that first breath after realizing we are in a new chapter will be oh so sweet, whether our toes are in the beach sand or dangling on top of a mountain. Growth, change, and happiness are all happening right now. And right now is a great place to be.